Choosing Treasured Keepsakes from Deceased Parents

by Susan McCarthy
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Which would you rather have, a dozen items that you display and view on a regular basis or dozens of boxes in your basement that are filled with “special” things that you never look at? Try the exercise below that will help you uncover the memorable things in your parent's home.
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When I talk about what to do with the things you inherit from your parents, I often emphasize letting go of items. However, that doesn’t mean that I believe you should get rid of everything simply for the sake of not adding things to your home.

I am a firm believer in being intentional about what you keep. Keeping the things that you truly love and that are the best representations of your parent, your memories of them, your relationship with them. Of course, you can also keep things just because you like them, even if you aren’t certain of your parent’s connection to the object.

I belong to several decluttering groups on Facebook, and I often see people post questions about where to start emptying a parent’s home. Some individuals describe their distress at wanting to keep their mother or father’s home as it was at the time of their parent’s death so to save themselves from the task of deciding what they want to keep.

Others don’t make the decision and pack up everything and move it into storage – either squeezing it into their own home or packing a rented storage space while incurring an extra bill every month.

And then there are those who got rid of the furniture and dishes and knickknacks but who feel bad about the number of items they have kept…even though they treasure what they’ve kept.

So, here’s the situation if you love the items that you have then keep them. It doesn’t matter whether it’s five items or a hundred and five. In fact, don’t keep them. Telling yourself that you can keep five or ten items (or some other number) is totally arbitrary and has nothing to do with the sentiment of these items.

Now if your mother collected teapots and had a collection of over thirty teapots, you could decide that you’ll keep ten percent of her collection and take photos of the teapots that you give away. If many people in the family have memories of your mother and her teapots, then others may appreciate having one item from the collection. Or not.

Deciding to keep the entire collection could feel like a burden. In fact, where you can find the space to display three teapots, with thirty they may all remain packed in boxes. And this creates a different kind of stress because now you feel disrespectful for not displaying things that you said were important to you.
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​How to Choose Keepsakes

Even if you start sorting through your parent’s things thinking that you aren’t interested in keeping many of the items, don’t be surprised if handling the items suddenly transforms them into something special.

You may remember your father talking about an item or your mother using something and *bam* it gains importance. Or maybe your situations is more like mine where you uncover things you never knew your parents owned and you start driving yourself crazy trying to guess if and how this item was important to them (they owned it, right?)

Instead of all this second guessing, I’d like you to try this. If you haven’t really started going through things in your parent’s house, perfect; but if you’ve started, you can still try this exercise. And if you’ve already filled boxes with items, but you haven’t unpacked them, then you can still do this activity.
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Memorable Keepsakes Activity
You will need paper and pen (or a keyboard if that if your preferred way to make notes) and some private time.

You don’t have to complete this activity at one time. In fact, you may find memories emerging over the next few days.

List some of your favorite memories of your parent(s). These could be stories that they told over and again…or the one they told once and never repeated. The memories could be connected to your relationship and experiences with your parents.

You can write the story in detail, or jot down a few thought-provoking words.

Now, consider that you can recall these memories without any items to prompt them. Does the lack of an item, or even the picture of the item, diminish the memory in any way? Would holding the item and thinking of or telling the story of the item embellish the memory or story in a positive way?
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These are the items you want to own and display. Chances are that this list doesn’t contain hundreds of items but a handful of truly special things. Can you find these items? Do you have siblings interested in some of them as well? Even you can’t own each item on your list, you have the all-important memory of your parents.
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How to Display Keepsakes

Now that you’ve identified the items connected to your most cherished memories, notice that other items may pale in comparison as mere possessions of your parents.

With fewer special items, can you now find a space to put these on display in your home.

• Frame those photos (consider a digital photo frame so you can rotate images).
• Put small items, or parts of things (like a piece of fabric from a dress), in a shadowbox.
• Create a display or even a shrine on a tabletop.
• Take over a shelving unit to display a larger number of items that share a color, material, or theme.
• Store a stack of handmade quilts or knit/crocheted blankets in a glass-front cabinet.
• (Put small or fragile keepsakes in a special box that gets opened at least once a year.)

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Treasuring Keepsakes from Deceased Parents

Remember, your goal isn’t to limit yourself to an arbitrary number of items. Nor do you want to place the burden on yourself and your home to claim everything in your parent’s house as special.

Instead of starting with the items, trying to determine is something is important to you as you handle it, try to think of your favorite memories and then the items associated with them. You have your memories, that’s the important part.

Ask yourself, which would you rather have, a dozen items that you display and view on a regular basis or dozens of boxes in your basement that are filled with “special” things that you never look at?
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Other Related Resources:

• How to Deal with Distracting Thoughts When Cleaning Out a Deceased Parent’s Home​
• ​Develop Your Decision-making Skills when Emptying Your Parents’ House
• How to Cherish Sentimental Items

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